Its been at least a full month now, of this new commitment I have made to listen to myself more. I have been writing this entry in my head for a few weeks now, and then rejecting it, over and over. I am sure very few people are even reading this, and honestly, if you are judging me, then - shame on you - I should not bother myself with the thought.
I have been rediscovering myself since this "aha" moment of mine. Its brilliant, and funny, and sometimes a little sad, and ultimately, it has been wonderful for my spirit. I am finding that balance I have been searching for for so long. I am finding the me that I left in the dust of trauma and stress and work-aholicism.
One of the first things I did after my big date with myself to the bookstore, was work on carving out a space for myself at home, a reading nook, a place all my own where I can unwind and be with myself if I wish. I was inspired by one of the books I picked up, which encouraged making a cozy spot for yourself to read, or I would add, to have a cup of tea, or watch a chick flick, or eat junk food, check email in the mornings, whatever. It is all mine. It is brilliant. It didn't take much. I found a chair on Craisglist and ran to Tj Maxx for a light fixture, rearranged some stuff in my bedroom, and ta-da! a room of my own!
I have spent a lot of time on my home during this little honeymoon with myself. I have spruced up almost every room in the past 6 weeks, and have plans for more when the budget allows.
I have also asked for more help, made a new friend, come up with 3 new designs at work and taken 2 three day weekends. I have exercised 4 times this week. what! This new turn has really helped me to be more present with Caleb, staying home in the mornings to do office work during naps, and gathering activities for him to take to work.
Life is good, this has been a great turn. It is time, now, to get reaquainted with myself, to remember, to honor, to relearn how to relax and enjoy a little bit more of life.