Toddler Schedules and Daydreams

   We are daydreaming a lot lately, of creating a more permanent home and moving the studio there. The stress of operating a retail space and the back and forths and restrictions of doing it with a kid in tow gets to us. The extra rent doesn't help either. I am not gonna lie, its not easy. We get overwhelmed. and tired.

Caleb "helping" me in the herb garden 

   The reality is that we have 3 more years on our lease, and sometime soon, will start trying for another baby. With those things in mind, I have to start adjusting, make peace, and take a deep breath.
   With a rambunctious 18 month old, a work day is full of interruptions. I am about half as productive as I used to be, and our lives are full of his wonderful messes and our half finished work. The stress bubbles to the surface quicker when you are tired and stretched to thin, so I am just checking in and turning more focus on what is best for Caleb and us versus the business at this point. Making room for all of us so that when we add one more, we have already carved out some room.

Painting with edible finger paints I made. 

    Tuning into Caleb and what he needs has helped me along in this process of slowing down. He needs a bit more focused time & attention from us throughout the day, more activity and engagement. I try really hard to rotate activities for him to do independently, and have now started to introduce things as a "together" activity and then let him explore things independently over a few days. This helps, but also, I am making it a more concrete schedule - more for our benefit than his - so that we look at making room in the day for toddler time as a non negotiable instead of getting swept up in the stress of the day. He does so much better when we are "tuned in" and 100% in the parenting game through our typical days, I am always so surprised how easily it can get lost and how much I have to check us back in and get everything back in line.
    The best weapon I have is to go through my pinterest and pick a few activities for the week and set them up on Monday night so they are ready. This has resulted in some weird rainbow colored projects left forgotten in the fridge, but for the most part, it works well and helps me stay focused on being "Mom" even when we are at work. I can set him up in the high chair next to me with some homemade playdoh, or set him loose in his play yard with a bin full of rainbow colored spaghetti, or introduce stickers with pictures of his favorite animals.

I make popsicles with extra green smoothies from breakfast, they keep him busy for about 30 minutes.

    We split his time now with the independent activities and then at least one period of physical activity with one of us - play ball, go on a walk, blow bubbles, that kind of thing - which as my wise mother pointed out - wears him out and ensures a better nap - which is when we get the most done.
   The schedule I have made up is below. Mike and I are a solid team, and it is a rotation, so that one of us gets a half day of no interruptions, Caleb gets some quality time every morning, and during his morning nap, the person at home can get some personal things taken care of - or in my case yoga and dreaded computer work.

Caleb's Day

 7:30 Nurse, Wake up, get ready for the day
 8:15 play independently
 8:30 activity: go on a walk, out to breakfast, yoga with mommy, play in the garden
 9:00 Breakfast
 9:30 - 11:30 Nap
12:00 Go to work
12:30 Lunch time with parent that has been at work all morning
1:00 activity with above parent
1:30 independent play
2:30 - 4:30(or 5) Nap
4:30 snack
4:45 independent play
5:00 home with parent that came to work first
5:30 playtime/activity
6:00 dinner
6:30 bath, bed time routine
7:00 bed


    This makes my work schedule as follows: (in theory)

Tues/Thurs                                                                                         
AM- home with Caleb                                            
yoga or walk with Caleb                                
9:30-11:30 Nap time Office work                                      
12:00 -8:00  studio                                                                  
8:00 home

 Wed/fri   
8:00 - 12:00 Studio Heaven
12:00 - 1:00 lunch & activity with Caleb
1:00 - 5:00 Studio
5:00 home with Caleb

Saturday
9:00 everybody to work
5:00 Family Date

Taking Care of My Body

   If becoming a mother has taught me anything, it has been the importance of taking care of myself. I was quite athletic all the way through my pregnancy and before, but got sidelined by my hip injury for the better part of a year.  The injury & recovery has changed my perspective and helped slow me down enough to really appreciate my body and the small things I can do to stay healthy and active. Being a mom is demanding enough, but when you add a 60 hour work week - 40 of which include a baby - and the physical and mental strain that come with my job - which involves 50 lb boxes of clay, a lot of lifting, moving and sitting hunched over as well as running the business - being healthy becomes extremely important.
    Living a healthy lifestyle came into focus as we began to plan our family, and has become the central focus. Not only do I want to be successful at work, but I want to set a good example for my kids and be healthy and active so that I can enjoy my family.
   I feel a little strange writing about this stuff, and am still trying to find my voice on this new blog, but I hope it gives you a little insight and maybe some inspiration!

A rare warm winter day, hiking at around 8 or 9 months pregnant. 

 DIET  I have always leaned vegetarian, but now keep a dairy free house. My husband calls us " 99% vegan." We eat what we want when we go out, but at home, you will not find any meat, dairy, or refined sugar  and everything in our pantry is organic. This has been a process over about 3 years, and as our diet has become even cleaner,  I feel better physically than I ever have.
   I also drink around 80 - 100 ounces of water a day, drink alcohol very minimally. I have not had a hangover in 2 years, its amazing, can't even imagine trying to do everything I have to do in a day hungover- those days are over!
   I cook once per week, and in a future post, will share my system. I think its easier to eat healthy when you have healthy meals, snacks and treats ready to go. I don't  know how people come home after work and cook, or if they even do. I am way too tired at the end of the day. You can see examples of the meals I cook on my Pinterest boards.

Excercise  My goal is to work my way back to the level I was before my injury, but  after a year of being injured, I  have a little more patience and self acceptance, and am now ok with where I am today. Exercise is good not only for your body, but for your mind, so I look at it as a benefit even when it seems to be easy and/or slow - which is the case at the moment.
    I walk wherever and whenever I can. Now that Caleb is walking, we go out together a few times a week up and down the street at work for about 10 - 15 minutes. I also walk him to the store on my weekends and try to get at least one solo walk in sometime during the week. We may walk up the street to a restaurant or to get coffee, etc, I absolutely count this as exercise.  I have a rule that I must always live within walking distance to something, I love the convenience of adding an errand or a coffee run to my "exercise."

  My Yoga practice is currently at the lowest level I have ever been, but I practice, albeit slowly, 2 - 3 times a week for about 20-30 minutes.  At my peak fitness, I was doing Bikram 4 times a week, for 90 minutes a session,  though I don't see how I could fit in that sort of intensity at this point in my life.  For now, I do a self guided practice or a video in my new little nook.

    I have found that exercising can either set me up for a more productive day or relax me after a particularly challenging day, and thankfully my husband understands the necessity and encourages me to take these small breaks for myself.

Health Care  I get a Deep Tissue massage and/or receive Craniosacral Therapy at least once per month at a Holistic Medicine Center. When things are crazy and my body is in revolt, I go once a week. My work is very demanding, if my body is not functioning well, I can't do my job, nor can I take good care of my family.  Finding Holistic Medicine was a game changer. I turned to this when my injury became too much to bear and I needed to find a natural way to manage my pain and recover, it has become a way of life now. If I find myself starting to feel off balance, or my injury starts to flare up, I head in for a tune up immediately.

 
   
 

A Room of MyOwn

   Its been at least a full month now, of this new commitment I have made to listen to myself more. I have been writing this entry in my head for a few weeks now, and then rejecting it, over and over. I am sure very few people are even reading this, and honestly, if you are judging me, then - shame on you -  I should not bother myself with the thought.
     I have been rediscovering myself since this "aha" moment of mine. Its brilliant, and funny, and sometimes a little sad, and ultimately, it has been wonderful for my spirit. I am finding that balance I have been searching for for so long. I am finding the me that I left in the dust of trauma and stress and work-aholicism.
    One of the first things I did after my big date with myself to the bookstore,  was work on carving out a space for myself at home, a reading nook, a place all my own where I can unwind and be with myself if I wish. I was inspired by one of the books I picked up, which encouraged making a cozy spot for yourself to read, or I would add,  to have a cup of tea, or watch a chick flick, or eat junk food, check email in the mornings, whatever. It is all mine. It is brilliant. It didn't take much. I found a chair on Craisglist and ran to Tj Maxx for a light fixture, rearranged some stuff in my bedroom, and ta-da! a room of my own!

     I think its a symbolic thing for me, I feel more secure knowing its there, even when I don't use it. I have a new found sense of groundedness, concrete, feet on the ground security. I have a little corner that I can retreat to regroup.
  I have spent a lot of time on my home during this little honeymoon with myself. I have spruced up almost every room in the past 6 weeks, and have plans for more when the budget allows.
     I have also asked for more help, made a new friend, come up with 3 new designs at work and taken 2 three day weekends. I have exercised 4 times this week. what! This new turn has really helped me to be more present with Caleb, staying home in the mornings to do office work during naps, and gathering activities for him to take to work.
    Life is good, this has been a great turn. It is time, now, to get reaquainted with myself, to remember, to honor, to relearn how to relax and enjoy a little bit more of life.
 
 

Remembering to Listen

I spruced up the living room this week!

 
       The past few years have been full of some pretty extreme ups and downs for me. Just since getting pregnant two years ago, I lost my best friend and my studio space, moved into my new one, brought my husband on full time, had a baby, experienced a chronic injury and doubled my business. Can you say stress?
   Having a baby changes you so much, and I feel like I only had a few minutes to enjoy it before I was back into a pretty grueling work schedule over the summer. There have been a lot of tears over the last year. Trying to keep up with the day to day can be so overwhelming for a new mom. Figuring out how to juggle baby sleep schedules, teething, breastfeeding, developmental changes, new roles in your marriage, changes to your personal identity, a new body, and on and on and on. Its an emotional roller coaster even without a 60 plus hour work week.

We went out to dinner! Bonus of early bed time, we can go out on Friday night and still have the place to ourselves.

   I am so hard on myself naturally, and there has been this insane sense of pressure (see my last entry) to cram everything into this neat, little tidy package that would somehow constitute a "normal life". News flash, Heather, "your life is not normal." All this cramming and conforming and pressure and stress has been taking its toll, and honestly, making me a bit depressed. I haven't been coping very well as of late.

     It occurred to me  that I have stopped listening to myself on many levels, creatively, spiritually, and physically, I just shoved all the signals down in the name of work and obligation. In reality, yes there are times when I will not have so many choices, but do i really need to stuff down my inner voice at all times? Probably not.

   My mission right now is to listen and act, no matter what. Practice makes perfect! That means if I feel that I need to stay home with the baby in my bathrobe, that is what I am going to do. If I want to take my family out to dinner instead of working late, that is what I am going to do. If I am on a roll in the studio and feel the need to work an 80 hour week, then THAT is what I am going to do. I am hearkening back to the good old days when I took really great care of myself. And now that I am finally pain free, maybe I will even start using that gym membership I have been paying for.

C spent a few days not feeling so well this week, I got a lot of housecleaning done. Babywearing is the answer!

Since making this new promise to myself, the baby got sick for the first time, and cut another tooth, so it has been a good week to get practice staying home in the mornings to work from home and slowing down a little. I even went to the bookstore, got a giant cup of coffee, curled up with a pile of design mags and brought home some new source books - all by myself!!!!! Its been so long since I did that - I can't even remember when it was!

   I have joked quite a few times about getting a tattoo on my wrist that reads, "remember."  It may be time to seriously revisit that idea. Momma's should really be the first on the list sometimes.

Tales of a 5 day work week

  Things are hectic right now. Its that push as the slowness of winter lets up, always a surprise for some reason.
    This year, I committed to a 5 day work week-at least when possible - this is a first for me since starting my business 7 years ago. Deadlines and the nature of ceramic work can push me hard at times, and make this impossible, but that is just the reality of owning my own business. I am doing my best to honor the commitment to having a weekend, for myself and my family. It gives us much needed leisure time together, and time for Mike and I to just be married people with a baby, since our work days are double duty. A 12 hour work day when you are also parenting is challenging and will burn you out quickly, and lets face it, I am not getting any younger. A 12 hour work day, even without a baby, has gotten more challenging in the past few years.

Reading to C at a few weeks old

   The shift to having a weekend, plus C's current schedule, is leaving me both rested and deflated. On the one hand, the beginning of the week starts out awesome. Tuesdays are great, I bounce in to work ready to take on the world, but by the time I get half way through the week, I really miss my baby. The weekend taking has made it so I have to cram all 60 of my work hours into this neat little 5 day package, and you see, I hate missing bed time. Its the worst.  This has come up for me at various times over the past year, its gotten a little easier to keep working and not think about it - I used to sit at my work table and cry after Mike took him home - actually, I'm crying right now just thinking about it - breaks my heart that it has to be this way.  Last night, I kept him in the bed with me, just to make up for all the goodnights I miss. To smell his shampoo and hold him close.
    There is always going to be a trade off. I am so lucky to be able to keep him with me every day and still have my career, but it hasn't been without sacrifice and I couldn't do it without the unwavering support of my husband, who takes over those bed time duties 5 nights a week so that I can stay and work. I know that this schedule will change, his bed time will move to a little later again at some point, that there will be slow times and vacations when I don't have to miss a thing....... Being a Momma sure does break your heart a lot, in lots of little ways.
    For now, I am doing my best to adjust, to soak in the days I get to stay at home, and know that its a good trade I am making.

 

A New Beginning

Me & C

        I took a break from my blog to catch my breath and think. Its been bothering me that I felt a disconnect between what I felt I should be writing and what I felt called to write. I really needed a break after the push of the huge project over the summer and then the combination of really big press and the Christmas rush....... honestly, I was feeling like I didn't want to have a blog or that this one needed a complete overhaul. Its weird and hard to explain, it just felt like a burden, and I needed to step away.
      So here we are. I have been digging around in my brain, trying to come up with some grand concept, a reinvention, a new direction, a new name, etc, etc..... What I have come up with is this. I will be reposting everything I feel is truly authentic and relevant to the journey I am on now. When we started getting ready to become parents, my life really started to change, and it really is now in a constant state of transformation. I can honestly say that I have changed almost every aspect of my life, and those are the things that I am called to write about now. Cooking nutritious food, running a household as a business owning mom, running an art studio with my husband and with the baby in tow, finding out who I am again, how I keep it all straight in my head, natural parenting, baby wearing, my lack of a social life, my reliance on Pinterest for EVERYTHING.......
    So, from this moment on, what you can expect is a look into my most authentic self, as a mom, wife, artist,  passionate home cook, and business owner.
    Cheers to spring time, and a fresh start.

I made the Right Choice

   I have been in a place of gratitude lately. It has been so nice to wind down from the busy summer, at least emotionally and spiritually, to let go a little.
   As I sit here in my newly minted office/playroom/nursery on the back of the studio in a rare quiet moment with no husband, baby or customers, the theme I have been reflecting upon for the past week or so keeps coming up. "I made the right choice." This has become my mantra.
    On Facebook this morning, a friend of mine from high school posted an article, http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
and was expressing some sadness over the judgement she feels for making the choice to stay home with her
 daughter - she also started her own photography business when she left her "job." It brought to the surface what I have been thinking about a lot lately, that we judge each other so harshly, especially women, when we should be happy when someone we know is strong enough to make bold choices that she feels are best for herself and her family.  It is heartbreaking when someone you think of as a loved one or friend shows a lack of respect for your choices.

my loves the first day of production after we rearranged

      It has taken some therapy and a lot of time, but I have decided that I am not going to apologize for my own choices anymore. When I met Mike, my life changed significantly. I never had someone to love and protect before, not the way I love him. I gained this big sense of responsibility, and took our relationship very seriously from the very beginning. Once we were married and  started preparing to open our lives to the possibility of a baby, that sense of responsibility grew. We changed our diet, I started on a spiritual journey that has become more clear now that I am a Mom,my work week became shorter and more concentrated, we changed our lifestyle, Mike came to work with me, some people have left the circle. Things have changed so much for us over the past 3 years, not all of it has been easy, but it all has been for the better.

my new desk

    My blessing is my family. I do, every day, what I have to do to love, protect, nourish, feed and house my boys. I have made sacrifices. I have made mistakes. I have, at times, suffered. My husband, myself and my child are healthy. We have a clean, simple and extremely busy lifestyle that grows richer with each day.
       I don't get much time to myself or to have a social life, being "Mom, Wife, Boss" leaves little else if I want to do at least 2 out of 3 well each day. I don't have time to make apologies any more. I am confident now that I have made the right choices - to take care of what is important. If you don't like it....... well, I feel sorry for you.  Our lifestyle may be different, or maybe you can't grasp the concepts of change and growth, or respect that I want to do what is best for myself and my family. I hope one day, you can find a more open place in your heart.

The nursery coming together

   I am so thankful that I can work to provide for my family while being with them all day. The new room  is going to see us through for many years to come and help us function better as a business and as a family. It is already giving me some much needed reflective time over coffee in the mornings, watching over my baby that is free to roam in a safe place to play, a dark quiet place for all of us to take naps and express ourselves privately.  Mike and I have been finding joy at work again, rearranging and collaborating, finding more of what works and getting rid of what doesn't. It feels good to make choices, and even better to know they are the right ones.
 
 

Facing the Inevitable

My heart times 2.

   Here I sit. Its 9 p.m., I just got home from a 13 hour day, I am hooked to the dreaded breast pump, eating dinner and facing what I have put off for as long as I can. No matter how hard I try, I will not be able to be home every night to put Caleb to bed.
   As the sweetness of his first few months of life come to a close, and he is a little more self sufficient, I am becoming buried with work. We just got two huge jobs, totalling about 900 pieces, which is great, it really is, but it means that for the next 4 months, there will be many, many nights like tonight.
   I am so blessed to have this life, I can have him at work, stop to take a walk or read a story any time I want,  plop him down in his chair next to me while I make work. I have an amazing husband to help all day, every day. But there is nothing- nothing- that could prepare me for what I am feeling now. This conflict, this heartbreak, it's something I thought I could somehow escape.
    How could I know how heavy the burden of being financially responsible for my family would be once Caleb arrived. How huge the responsibility would feel on top of my typical Type A drive once the babies started coming. We need health insurance and bigger cars, and vacations so we can just be together as a family, nutritious food, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, money for the future. On top of the financial pressure, I want to be there for my baby, to be the very best, most present mom I can be. I don't know if I can be both simultaneously. I want to be there for every second, change every dirty diaper, wipe away every tear, tuck him into every nap, give him every bath, be there for every little laugh.
   How do I reconcile this role of provider with my role as a mother? I must sit in that studio and make 900 tiles and keep the business going and growing, there is no choice there. When you are providing for your family and someone offers you a paycheck for 4 months, you have to take it. 
   We are taking 12 days off together as a family, a much needed break, and one I anticipated while Caleb was still in my belly. It has been a long 4 months. I had almost no maternity leave (less than 4 weeks), and the first 2 months were such a giant adjustment for us as a couple and as business partners. I fulfilled my lifelong dream of becoming a mother and discovered that even though it is by far the most challenging thing I have ever done, I can't wait to do it again. I finally found the meaning of this insane journey - it gave me a way to have and support my family.
   Off I go, to slip into bed, nurse my little one and toss and turn all night with worry. To start again tomorrow, dreaming of our little vacation, when for almost two weeks, I get to finally feel what its like to just be a mom and wife- away from the studio, away from the studio stroll, away from the dirty house the dogs, the need for a new car, the hospital bills, the taxes, the garden we have yet to plant . I am going to hang onto every second like its my last. I can't f**king wait.
   

A Typical Day

Nap time at work

  
 I thought it might be interesting for me to share how a typical day goes for us now that Caleb is an integral part of the routine at work. Specific times fluctuate a bit day to day, as we have what I would call, a "structured routine" more than an exact schedule. The babe does better when he knows what to expect and in what order, and so do we. We have a happy baby and a very busy life - 4 businesses, 6 days a week!
    I would  like to point out that we practice baby wearing. Caleb rides along for a few hours each day, sometimes we use it to salvage nap time if he has trouble getting to sleep, but we also just do it because of all of the great benefits.  Carried babies sleep better, cry 50% less, experience more, get a head start on language and social skills, securely bond with their caregivers and it helps us get things accomplished during the day.

babywearing at home

I am looking forward to delivery of a carrier that will help me to wear him on my back, as he is getting so big he slows me down a bit being on the front and having to reach around him. I wear him to do all sorts of things, we go out to eat, to the grocery store, walk the dogs, art openings, the kid gets around, and I can keep living! I have become a bit of a fanatic and am beginning to hoard carriers, but I guess I can think of worse things.

The beginnings of the work nursery

                     We also set up Caleb's area more like a real nursery this week. Our backs were killing us from bending over the pack & play, and he wasn't sleeping as well now that he is getting a little older. I ordered a crib and a mobile, and put curtains on the screens so that people would stop barging in on his naps.  So far its working beautifully. 
                                                           A Typical Day
   6:00 -Up with Babe, I start the coffee and get him dressed
   6:40 - Nap Time! Mike and I split off - he goes downstairs to the studio, and I either head upstairs to my office or run out the door to the studio. (Morning nap time is our most productive time of day and we get some much needed alone time too - BONUS!)
  9:30 - Babe is up! Give him a bottle and hop over to the studio. (with Mike, me, or both of us)
  10:15 - a little story time , and then its off to sleep again for Caleb - usually whoever brings him to work gets this one.
  10:30 Race to get as much done as possible! If I have an assistant that day, she will roll slabs while I make bowls, or maybe load kilns and wedge clay while I sit at my table working on textures, or help me with a photo shoot. Mike generally does shipping and computer work during this time.
  12:30 Lunch! Nurse Caleb, eat a snack, sing songs and play. We may strap him into a carrier and walk to the coffee shop.
  1:30 Caleb is back down for another nap - and I race to get more accomplished! tiles, tiles, more tiles! Mike runs errands, assistants finishes up their day.
  3:30 - 4:00 Caleb is up! On days that I come in early, I sometimes opt to take him home after he eats. We go on a walk and play before bed time, which is amazing and wonderful, and my favorite time with him. Other days, we may play and stay for one more nap cycle so that I can get more work done if I need to.
   4:30 Nap time!
6:30 Nurse and run on home.

A sweet moment at work

    As Caleb gets bigger, obviously his needs change as far as wake and nap times and activities, but so far we are doing well. I am really blessed to be able to bring him to work and have Mike there every day to help. I am not going to say that this is easy, but its worth it.  This schedule is actually a few weeks old and we are currently in the midst of going from a 3 to 4 hour cycle, so he is awake more and more, but he is now sleeping through the night!
      We work as a team and try to find ways to adapt so that all of our individual needs are met.
  

   

The New Era

  I have finally found that balance I have been searching for since starting this adventure 6 years ago. Funny that it took becoming a mother in order to find it.

The babe staring out the window on a cold, grey day

    I told a good friend the other day, "Motherhood is a great job for a workaholic." - as long as the new "work" becomes the baby, I guess. I love being a Mommy, even more than I have loved being a professional artist for the past 5 years. I find myself loving getting up at the crack of dawn and making the coffee with one hand, and I love reading novels to my baby to put him to bed at 7:30, when I used to be still at the work table chugging another cup of coffee getting ready for a long night. Changing diapers, being held prisoner for 6 hours a day breastfeeding, getting peed on. I am loving every minute.
      My workdays thus far have been 7-8 hours  (technically my planned Maternity leave ended when he turned 6 weeks two weeks ago, but I actually returned to the studio part time at 3 1/2 weeks postpartum  ). Which is amazing, and only happened for the first time during the last week or two of my pregnancy, when I was getting too tired and it was too difficult to plan any further into the future than a few hours.

Taking a little time out for a snuggle

    I am so thankful that my business is stable enough to allow me the time with my son. The workday now consists of sprints in between feedings, running to replace the binky, the occasional story time break and wearing him while I work, and must end in time to go home and get him ready for bed. We set up a pack & play, and have some baskets for now filled with blankets and burp cloths, story books and rattles, which will hold toys and other baby things soon enough. I have a feeling he will have a full on nursery outfitted in the studio soon! We are blessed with a full service building and bathrooms big enough to hold the changing table, and a kitchen fit to cook up a grilled cheese when he becomes a toddler. I think i am definitely making some tourists uncomfortable when they come in to the studio and I am breastfeeding on the couch, but, hey, they weren't there to buy anything anyways.....right?

Spending a little time with Dad

     
    Another exciting thing is that  I have hired a studio helper. I am hoping to maximize the time that I do have in the studio so that we can increase production and shorten lead times for our galleries and wholesale clients. It is my dream to have a studio exploding with work, gain the flexibility I need to make more new work and of course, have more family time. So far it has been great. Its a little frustrating training someone, but Mike is there, as always, to help lighten the load a little. ( I cannot put into words how amazing he is, as a business partner, father and husband. I seriously hit the man jackpot. I call him a unicorn!) She is able to do a little more independently than he can on the studio side, so now I have even more hands doing the work that doesn't necessarily require my own. There is a learning curve for me, scheduling my days in such a way that really takes advantage of every second, figuring out everything that I can delegate without compromise, and really grasping the concept of time management, but so far, its going well, if a lot slower than before baby. I think it will only get better as we go on.
    On a side note, we really don't spend all day snuggling the baby on the couch, but the pictures sure make it look that way!  We have posted some babywearing shots on the facebook page if you don;t believe me!

 
    

Carrot Cake Pancakes!

I have been on a food cleanse for the past week, I eliminated caffiene, alcohol, processed sugar, gluten, and all animal products. Its been a really reflective and interesting time so far, my goal is to keep it going for another few weeks and to hopefully come out the other side with more energy, a healthier body, and more reverence for my body and well being. I really need to learn to respect my own limits and take better care of myself, and I think this is a great way to start my journey. My husband has been a great sport and has gone along with me, though we did declare Saturdays "cheat days" and I usually make us something for breakfast on Sundays -- our only day off-- that may stray a little from our normally healthy diet.

    I have been working on my vegetarian biscuits and gravy for a while, and I think it is just about perfected, so look out for that soon. My version includes Parmesan black pepper biscuits and mushroom veggie sausage gravy. Not cleanse appropriate, but delicious and suprisingly healthy.
   I found this recipe for Carrot Cake Pancakes last week and have been obsessing ever since, but how could I indulge while on my cleanse and not feel terribly guilty for it? I went searching, and got a little brave. I went over to post punk kitchen, and also tried some of my other favorite vegan blogs, Vegan Yum Yum, and Vegan Visitor, and then I * gasp* converted my own vegan gluten free recipe. AND. it worked!

Vegan Gluten Free Carrot Cake Pancakes with Vegan Cream Cheese topping


1 C Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free Flour
1/2 tsp Xanthum Gum
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 banana pureed
1 C unsweetened soymilk
1 tsp cider vinegar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 C grated carrots
2 Tbl coconut sugar

** Coconut Earth Balance for cooking

By hand, combine wet ingredients, add carrots, add dry. Let batter rest 5 minutes, then fry on Medium-Low heat.

*Makes about 8 pancakes

Topping


4 oz vegan cream cheese ( I used galaxy brand, as it has no added sugar)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
pinch cinnamon
1/4 lemon- for juice
1-2 Tbl Maple Syrup to taste


Beat Cream cheese, add the rest until blended.

With Tempeh Bacon, and please add syrup! yum!

Best Healthier Chocolate Chip Cookies

I adapted this recipe from the NY Times best Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe, which was adapted from Jaques Torres.
  

Finished Product

   Usually Valentines Day inspires me to bake something that requires food coloring and use of my sprinkle stash. (YES, I have a stash of sprinkles, I hoard them.) This year, I just couldn't get inspired to go there, but when I saw this recipe, I knew these cookies would please the potluck crowd. They were a hit, and I even made some healthy substitutions.

"The Space Ship"

Time: 45 minutes , plus at least 24 hours chilling

2 cups minus 2 tablespoons (8 1/2 ounces) Whole Wheat Pastry ( or any Pastry flour)
1 2/3 cups (8 1/2 ounces) Spelt Flour, ( any AP flour will do)
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons coarse salt
2 1/2 sticks (1 1/4 cups) unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups (10 ounces) light brown sugar
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons (8 ounces) Coconut Sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons natural vanilla extract
1 1/4 pounds  chopped chocolate disks or fèves, I used a combination of bittersweet, semisweet and white chocolates
  (For best results use bars or disks and chop them, NOT CHIPS, chopping the chocolate spreads it around the dough in a magical way)
Sea salt.

1. Sift flours, baking soda, baking powder and salt into a bowl. Set aside.
2. Using a mixer fitted with paddle attachment, cream butter and sugars together until very light, about 5 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Stir in the vanilla. Reduce speed to low, add dry ingredients and mix until just combined, 5 to 10 seconds. Drop chocolate pieces in and incorporate them  Press plastic wrap against dough and refrigerate for 24 to 36 hours. Dough may be used in batches, and can be refrigerated for up to 72 hours.(you can skip this step if you wish)
3. When ready to bake, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a nonstick baking mat. Set aside.
4. Slice and roll  mounds of dough  onto baking sheet. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt and bake until golden brown but still soft,approx. 15  minutes. Transfer sheet to a wire rack for 10 minutes, then slip cookies onto another rack to cool a bit more. Repeat with remaining dough, or reserve dough, refrigerated, for baking remaining batches the next day. Eat warm, with a big napkin.

Changes are Afoot

   I have been forced to slow down this week, recovering from what is hopefully my last in a series of many oral surgeries in the past 3 years. Neither my husband or myself make a good patient when we are supposed to be on bed rest. I must say, I have still been taking advantage of every moment in which there was a spec of extra energy, cooking mushy food and catching up on computer work. It is not often that I have days and days to reflect and spend time with myself, and its been kind of nice, if a little frustrating.

When I first began...

    If you read my previous blog before it was hijacked, you will recall my quest for balance in my life since starting my business. Its been such a struggle over the last 5 years, a string of "bad boyfriends" didn't help me feel good about ever finding a partner, and I was on the verge of burnout for the first 3 years. I was really down and out after choosing people in my life that were derogatory and jealous of my work life.  Meeting and marrying my husband has changed things for me. Its like this thought has finally crept in, " There is more to life than your work."
    I find myself wanting to hang out at home, cook, entertain and fix up the house. I really don't want to work at all lately, at least not to the extent I have been for the past 5 years. I am tired, and I want a life, and a family. So now comes the time when I try to untangle myself a little, build boundaries between myself and my business, and figure out not my quest as a single gal, " who will deal with my 80 hour work week?" but " How do I lessen my 80 hour work week to make room for myself and my family?"

    I have been trying really hard lately to make a manageable to-do list. I am a list maker, and really have been torturing myself with piling too much crap on a single day and then beating myself up for not achieving the crazy goal I set out for myself. I think this is the first step. Since the new year, I walk into work and determine what time I would like to leave that evening, (which is still late sometimes, and that's okay) and determine what exactly I can accomplish during that time. It is working, I leave withing about 30 minutes of when I set out to, and I actually finish the tasks on my list.
     My friend, Kyle Carpenter,  a fellow potter gave me this little gem of wisdom when i asked how he manages to balance a career, 2 kids and a wife, "It's all about time management." I guess I am moving in the right direction.