Toddler Schedules and Daydreams

   We are daydreaming a lot lately, of creating a more permanent home and moving the studio there. The stress of operating a retail space and the back and forths and restrictions of doing it with a kid in tow gets to us. The extra rent doesn't help either. I am not gonna lie, its not easy. We get overwhelmed. and tired.

Caleb "helping" me in the herb garden 

   The reality is that we have 3 more years on our lease, and sometime soon, will start trying for another baby. With those things in mind, I have to start adjusting, make peace, and take a deep breath.
   With a rambunctious 18 month old, a work day is full of interruptions. I am about half as productive as I used to be, and our lives are full of his wonderful messes and our half finished work. The stress bubbles to the surface quicker when you are tired and stretched to thin, so I am just checking in and turning more focus on what is best for Caleb and us versus the business at this point. Making room for all of us so that when we add one more, we have already carved out some room.

Painting with edible finger paints I made. 

    Tuning into Caleb and what he needs has helped me along in this process of slowing down. He needs a bit more focused time & attention from us throughout the day, more activity and engagement. I try really hard to rotate activities for him to do independently, and have now started to introduce things as a "together" activity and then let him explore things independently over a few days. This helps, but also, I am making it a more concrete schedule - more for our benefit than his - so that we look at making room in the day for toddler time as a non negotiable instead of getting swept up in the stress of the day. He does so much better when we are "tuned in" and 100% in the parenting game through our typical days, I am always so surprised how easily it can get lost and how much I have to check us back in and get everything back in line.
    The best weapon I have is to go through my pinterest and pick a few activities for the week and set them up on Monday night so they are ready. This has resulted in some weird rainbow colored projects left forgotten in the fridge, but for the most part, it works well and helps me stay focused on being "Mom" even when we are at work. I can set him up in the high chair next to me with some homemade playdoh, or set him loose in his play yard with a bin full of rainbow colored spaghetti, or introduce stickers with pictures of his favorite animals.

I make popsicles with extra green smoothies from breakfast, they keep him busy for about 30 minutes.

    We split his time now with the independent activities and then at least one period of physical activity with one of us - play ball, go on a walk, blow bubbles, that kind of thing - which as my wise mother pointed out - wears him out and ensures a better nap - which is when we get the most done.
   The schedule I have made up is below. Mike and I are a solid team, and it is a rotation, so that one of us gets a half day of no interruptions, Caleb gets some quality time every morning, and during his morning nap, the person at home can get some personal things taken care of - or in my case yoga and dreaded computer work.

Caleb's Day

 7:30 Nurse, Wake up, get ready for the day
 8:15 play independently
 8:30 activity: go on a walk, out to breakfast, yoga with mommy, play in the garden
 9:00 Breakfast
 9:30 - 11:30 Nap
12:00 Go to work
12:30 Lunch time with parent that has been at work all morning
1:00 activity with above parent
1:30 independent play
2:30 - 4:30(or 5) Nap
4:30 snack
4:45 independent play
5:00 home with parent that came to work first
5:30 playtime/activity
6:00 dinner
6:30 bath, bed time routine
7:00 bed


    This makes my work schedule as follows: (in theory)

Tues/Thurs                                                                                         
AM- home with Caleb                                            
yoga or walk with Caleb                                
9:30-11:30 Nap time Office work                                      
12:00 -8:00  studio                                                                  
8:00 home

 Wed/fri   
8:00 - 12:00 Studio Heaven
12:00 - 1:00 lunch & activity with Caleb
1:00 - 5:00 Studio
5:00 home with Caleb

Saturday
9:00 everybody to work
5:00 Family Date

Remembering to Listen

I spruced up the living room this week!

 
       The past few years have been full of some pretty extreme ups and downs for me. Just since getting pregnant two years ago, I lost my best friend and my studio space, moved into my new one, brought my husband on full time, had a baby, experienced a chronic injury and doubled my business. Can you say stress?
   Having a baby changes you so much, and I feel like I only had a few minutes to enjoy it before I was back into a pretty grueling work schedule over the summer. There have been a lot of tears over the last year. Trying to keep up with the day to day can be so overwhelming for a new mom. Figuring out how to juggle baby sleep schedules, teething, breastfeeding, developmental changes, new roles in your marriage, changes to your personal identity, a new body, and on and on and on. Its an emotional roller coaster even without a 60 plus hour work week.

We went out to dinner! Bonus of early bed time, we can go out on Friday night and still have the place to ourselves.

   I am so hard on myself naturally, and there has been this insane sense of pressure (see my last entry) to cram everything into this neat, little tidy package that would somehow constitute a "normal life". News flash, Heather, "your life is not normal." All this cramming and conforming and pressure and stress has been taking its toll, and honestly, making me a bit depressed. I haven't been coping very well as of late.

     It occurred to me  that I have stopped listening to myself on many levels, creatively, spiritually, and physically, I just shoved all the signals down in the name of work and obligation. In reality, yes there are times when I will not have so many choices, but do i really need to stuff down my inner voice at all times? Probably not.

   My mission right now is to listen and act, no matter what. Practice makes perfect! That means if I feel that I need to stay home with the baby in my bathrobe, that is what I am going to do. If I want to take my family out to dinner instead of working late, that is what I am going to do. If I am on a roll in the studio and feel the need to work an 80 hour week, then THAT is what I am going to do. I am hearkening back to the good old days when I took really great care of myself. And now that I am finally pain free, maybe I will even start using that gym membership I have been paying for.

C spent a few days not feeling so well this week, I got a lot of housecleaning done. Babywearing is the answer!

Since making this new promise to myself, the baby got sick for the first time, and cut another tooth, so it has been a good week to get practice staying home in the mornings to work from home and slowing down a little. I even went to the bookstore, got a giant cup of coffee, curled up with a pile of design mags and brought home some new source books - all by myself!!!!! Its been so long since I did that - I can't even remember when it was!

   I have joked quite a few times about getting a tattoo on my wrist that reads, "remember."  It may be time to seriously revisit that idea. Momma's should really be the first on the list sometimes.

Changes are Afoot

   I have been forced to slow down this week, recovering from what is hopefully my last in a series of many oral surgeries in the past 3 years. Neither my husband or myself make a good patient when we are supposed to be on bed rest. I must say, I have still been taking advantage of every moment in which there was a spec of extra energy, cooking mushy food and catching up on computer work. It is not often that I have days and days to reflect and spend time with myself, and its been kind of nice, if a little frustrating.

When I first began...

    If you read my previous blog before it was hijacked, you will recall my quest for balance in my life since starting my business. Its been such a struggle over the last 5 years, a string of "bad boyfriends" didn't help me feel good about ever finding a partner, and I was on the verge of burnout for the first 3 years. I was really down and out after choosing people in my life that were derogatory and jealous of my work life.  Meeting and marrying my husband has changed things for me. Its like this thought has finally crept in, " There is more to life than your work."
    I find myself wanting to hang out at home, cook, entertain and fix up the house. I really don't want to work at all lately, at least not to the extent I have been for the past 5 years. I am tired, and I want a life, and a family. So now comes the time when I try to untangle myself a little, build boundaries between myself and my business, and figure out not my quest as a single gal, " who will deal with my 80 hour work week?" but " How do I lessen my 80 hour work week to make room for myself and my family?"

    I have been trying really hard lately to make a manageable to-do list. I am a list maker, and really have been torturing myself with piling too much crap on a single day and then beating myself up for not achieving the crazy goal I set out for myself. I think this is the first step. Since the new year, I walk into work and determine what time I would like to leave that evening, (which is still late sometimes, and that's okay) and determine what exactly I can accomplish during that time. It is working, I leave withing about 30 minutes of when I set out to, and I actually finish the tasks on my list.
     My friend, Kyle Carpenter,  a fellow potter gave me this little gem of wisdom when i asked how he manages to balance a career, 2 kids and a wife, "It's all about time management." I guess I am moving in the right direction.