Taking Care of My Body

   If becoming a mother has taught me anything, it has been the importance of taking care of myself. I was quite athletic all the way through my pregnancy and before, but got sidelined by my hip injury for the better part of a year.  The injury & recovery has changed my perspective and helped slow me down enough to really appreciate my body and the small things I can do to stay healthy and active. Being a mom is demanding enough, but when you add a 60 hour work week - 40 of which include a baby - and the physical and mental strain that come with my job - which involves 50 lb boxes of clay, a lot of lifting, moving and sitting hunched over as well as running the business - being healthy becomes extremely important.
    Living a healthy lifestyle came into focus as we began to plan our family, and has become the central focus. Not only do I want to be successful at work, but I want to set a good example for my kids and be healthy and active so that I can enjoy my family.
   I feel a little strange writing about this stuff, and am still trying to find my voice on this new blog, but I hope it gives you a little insight and maybe some inspiration!

A rare warm winter day, hiking at around 8 or 9 months pregnant. 

 DIET  I have always leaned vegetarian, but now keep a dairy free house. My husband calls us " 99% vegan." We eat what we want when we go out, but at home, you will not find any meat, dairy, or refined sugar  and everything in our pantry is organic. This has been a process over about 3 years, and as our diet has become even cleaner,  I feel better physically than I ever have.
   I also drink around 80 - 100 ounces of water a day, drink alcohol very minimally. I have not had a hangover in 2 years, its amazing, can't even imagine trying to do everything I have to do in a day hungover- those days are over!
   I cook once per week, and in a future post, will share my system. I think its easier to eat healthy when you have healthy meals, snacks and treats ready to go. I don't  know how people come home after work and cook, or if they even do. I am way too tired at the end of the day. You can see examples of the meals I cook on my Pinterest boards.

Excercise  My goal is to work my way back to the level I was before my injury, but  after a year of being injured, I  have a little more patience and self acceptance, and am now ok with where I am today. Exercise is good not only for your body, but for your mind, so I look at it as a benefit even when it seems to be easy and/or slow - which is the case at the moment.
    I walk wherever and whenever I can. Now that Caleb is walking, we go out together a few times a week up and down the street at work for about 10 - 15 minutes. I also walk him to the store on my weekends and try to get at least one solo walk in sometime during the week. We may walk up the street to a restaurant or to get coffee, etc, I absolutely count this as exercise.  I have a rule that I must always live within walking distance to something, I love the convenience of adding an errand or a coffee run to my "exercise."

  My Yoga practice is currently at the lowest level I have ever been, but I practice, albeit slowly, 2 - 3 times a week for about 20-30 minutes.  At my peak fitness, I was doing Bikram 4 times a week, for 90 minutes a session,  though I don't see how I could fit in that sort of intensity at this point in my life.  For now, I do a self guided practice or a video in my new little nook.

    I have found that exercising can either set me up for a more productive day or relax me after a particularly challenging day, and thankfully my husband understands the necessity and encourages me to take these small breaks for myself.

Health Care  I get a Deep Tissue massage and/or receive Craniosacral Therapy at least once per month at a Holistic Medicine Center. When things are crazy and my body is in revolt, I go once a week. My work is very demanding, if my body is not functioning well, I can't do my job, nor can I take good care of my family.  Finding Holistic Medicine was a game changer. I turned to this when my injury became too much to bear and I needed to find a natural way to manage my pain and recover, it has become a way of life now. If I find myself starting to feel off balance, or my injury starts to flare up, I head in for a tune up immediately.

 
   
 

Remembering to Listen

I spruced up the living room this week!

 
       The past few years have been full of some pretty extreme ups and downs for me. Just since getting pregnant two years ago, I lost my best friend and my studio space, moved into my new one, brought my husband on full time, had a baby, experienced a chronic injury and doubled my business. Can you say stress?
   Having a baby changes you so much, and I feel like I only had a few minutes to enjoy it before I was back into a pretty grueling work schedule over the summer. There have been a lot of tears over the last year. Trying to keep up with the day to day can be so overwhelming for a new mom. Figuring out how to juggle baby sleep schedules, teething, breastfeeding, developmental changes, new roles in your marriage, changes to your personal identity, a new body, and on and on and on. Its an emotional roller coaster even without a 60 plus hour work week.

We went out to dinner! Bonus of early bed time, we can go out on Friday night and still have the place to ourselves.

   I am so hard on myself naturally, and there has been this insane sense of pressure (see my last entry) to cram everything into this neat, little tidy package that would somehow constitute a "normal life". News flash, Heather, "your life is not normal." All this cramming and conforming and pressure and stress has been taking its toll, and honestly, making me a bit depressed. I haven't been coping very well as of late.

     It occurred to me  that I have stopped listening to myself on many levels, creatively, spiritually, and physically, I just shoved all the signals down in the name of work and obligation. In reality, yes there are times when I will not have so many choices, but do i really need to stuff down my inner voice at all times? Probably not.

   My mission right now is to listen and act, no matter what. Practice makes perfect! That means if I feel that I need to stay home with the baby in my bathrobe, that is what I am going to do. If I want to take my family out to dinner instead of working late, that is what I am going to do. If I am on a roll in the studio and feel the need to work an 80 hour week, then THAT is what I am going to do. I am hearkening back to the good old days when I took really great care of myself. And now that I am finally pain free, maybe I will even start using that gym membership I have been paying for.

C spent a few days not feeling so well this week, I got a lot of housecleaning done. Babywearing is the answer!

Since making this new promise to myself, the baby got sick for the first time, and cut another tooth, so it has been a good week to get practice staying home in the mornings to work from home and slowing down a little. I even went to the bookstore, got a giant cup of coffee, curled up with a pile of design mags and brought home some new source books - all by myself!!!!! Its been so long since I did that - I can't even remember when it was!

   I have joked quite a few times about getting a tattoo on my wrist that reads, "remember."  It may be time to seriously revisit that idea. Momma's should really be the first on the list sometimes.

Facing the Inevitable

My heart times 2.

   Here I sit. Its 9 p.m., I just got home from a 13 hour day, I am hooked to the dreaded breast pump, eating dinner and facing what I have put off for as long as I can. No matter how hard I try, I will not be able to be home every night to put Caleb to bed.
   As the sweetness of his first few months of life come to a close, and he is a little more self sufficient, I am becoming buried with work. We just got two huge jobs, totalling about 900 pieces, which is great, it really is, but it means that for the next 4 months, there will be many, many nights like tonight.
   I am so blessed to have this life, I can have him at work, stop to take a walk or read a story any time I want,  plop him down in his chair next to me while I make work. I have an amazing husband to help all day, every day. But there is nothing- nothing- that could prepare me for what I am feeling now. This conflict, this heartbreak, it's something I thought I could somehow escape.
    How could I know how heavy the burden of being financially responsible for my family would be once Caleb arrived. How huge the responsibility would feel on top of my typical Type A drive once the babies started coming. We need health insurance and bigger cars, and vacations so we can just be together as a family, nutritious food, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, money for the future. On top of the financial pressure, I want to be there for my baby, to be the very best, most present mom I can be. I don't know if I can be both simultaneously. I want to be there for every second, change every dirty diaper, wipe away every tear, tuck him into every nap, give him every bath, be there for every little laugh.
   How do I reconcile this role of provider with my role as a mother? I must sit in that studio and make 900 tiles and keep the business going and growing, there is no choice there. When you are providing for your family and someone offers you a paycheck for 4 months, you have to take it. 
   We are taking 12 days off together as a family, a much needed break, and one I anticipated while Caleb was still in my belly. It has been a long 4 months. I had almost no maternity leave (less than 4 weeks), and the first 2 months were such a giant adjustment for us as a couple and as business partners. I fulfilled my lifelong dream of becoming a mother and discovered that even though it is by far the most challenging thing I have ever done, I can't wait to do it again. I finally found the meaning of this insane journey - it gave me a way to have and support my family.
   Off I go, to slip into bed, nurse my little one and toss and turn all night with worry. To start again tomorrow, dreaming of our little vacation, when for almost two weeks, I get to finally feel what its like to just be a mom and wife- away from the studio, away from the studio stroll, away from the dirty house the dogs, the need for a new car, the hospital bills, the taxes, the garden we have yet to plant . I am going to hang onto every second like its my last. I can't f**king wait.
   

The New Era

  I have finally found that balance I have been searching for since starting this adventure 6 years ago. Funny that it took becoming a mother in order to find it.

The babe staring out the window on a cold, grey day

    I told a good friend the other day, "Motherhood is a great job for a workaholic." - as long as the new "work" becomes the baby, I guess. I love being a Mommy, even more than I have loved being a professional artist for the past 5 years. I find myself loving getting up at the crack of dawn and making the coffee with one hand, and I love reading novels to my baby to put him to bed at 7:30, when I used to be still at the work table chugging another cup of coffee getting ready for a long night. Changing diapers, being held prisoner for 6 hours a day breastfeeding, getting peed on. I am loving every minute.
      My workdays thus far have been 7-8 hours  (technically my planned Maternity leave ended when he turned 6 weeks two weeks ago, but I actually returned to the studio part time at 3 1/2 weeks postpartum  ). Which is amazing, and only happened for the first time during the last week or two of my pregnancy, when I was getting too tired and it was too difficult to plan any further into the future than a few hours.

Taking a little time out for a snuggle

    I am so thankful that my business is stable enough to allow me the time with my son. The workday now consists of sprints in between feedings, running to replace the binky, the occasional story time break and wearing him while I work, and must end in time to go home and get him ready for bed. We set up a pack & play, and have some baskets for now filled with blankets and burp cloths, story books and rattles, which will hold toys and other baby things soon enough. I have a feeling he will have a full on nursery outfitted in the studio soon! We are blessed with a full service building and bathrooms big enough to hold the changing table, and a kitchen fit to cook up a grilled cheese when he becomes a toddler. I think i am definitely making some tourists uncomfortable when they come in to the studio and I am breastfeeding on the couch, but, hey, they weren't there to buy anything anyways.....right?

Spending a little time with Dad

     
    Another exciting thing is that  I have hired a studio helper. I am hoping to maximize the time that I do have in the studio so that we can increase production and shorten lead times for our galleries and wholesale clients. It is my dream to have a studio exploding with work, gain the flexibility I need to make more new work and of course, have more family time. So far it has been great. Its a little frustrating training someone, but Mike is there, as always, to help lighten the load a little. ( I cannot put into words how amazing he is, as a business partner, father and husband. I seriously hit the man jackpot. I call him a unicorn!) She is able to do a little more independently than he can on the studio side, so now I have even more hands doing the work that doesn't necessarily require my own. There is a learning curve for me, scheduling my days in such a way that really takes advantage of every second, figuring out everything that I can delegate without compromise, and really grasping the concept of time management, but so far, its going well, if a lot slower than before baby. I think it will only get better as we go on.
    On a side note, we really don't spend all day snuggling the baby on the couch, but the pictures sure make it look that way!  We have posted some babywearing shots on the facebook page if you don;t believe me!